Again 4Koma Theater
by Donjusticia
Summary: A spin-off comedy series to Shimmering-Sky's FMA Brotherhood Fanfic, "Again." Please read, enjoy, and review her work before reading and enjoying this series.
1. Chapter 1

**Donjusticia A/N: BA! DA! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**

 **Well welcome everyone to the Again 4Koma Theater fanfic! If you guys haven't already read Shimmering-Sky's FMA Brotherhood Fanfic, "Again," STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW AND GO READ IT! Otherwise you won't get any of the jokes I've worked so hard to create for your entertainment. This story will be updated each time a new chapter of "Again" is submitted (so it's basically my way of dangling a carrot in front of Shimmering-Sky to make sure she keeps writing.) Naturally, none of these skits are canon to the fanfic, but we hope that all you, our dear readers, find some enjoyment from a bit of light-hearted comedy. And so, without further ado, enjoy!**

* * *

Again 4Koma Theater 1

Panel 1:

Blue lightning dances around him, but all Roy Mustang can think about is how much his hands hurt. This shouldn't be happening. He refused to transmute, and that should have been the end of it. Now the homunculi have a way to force someone to commit human transmutation?

The lightning grows in intensity. The transmutation is almost complete—and he can't do anything to stop it.

 _"Colonel!"_

Roy's head snaps up in alarm at the sound of his lieutenant's voice. He sees her struggling against the chimera and the Xingese girl, trying to make it to his side. If she does—she'll get pulled into the transmutation too. He can't have that. Absolutely not. "Stay where you are, Lieutenant!" he orders, lifting his head up as high as he possibly can. "You can't fulfil our promise if you're dead!"

He sees her freeze, a look of realization on her face.

"Oh my gosh, Roy." Riza breathes, lowering her gun, "Are you talking about… _that_ promise?"

"YES!" Roy screams, "Of course I am! Hurry! There's not much time!"

"Okay…just…just give me a moment to compose myself." Riza replies, wiping a sheen of sweat from her brow and straightening her hair. "Oh wow…this is really so sudden, Roy." She continues, blushing heavily. "I didn't expect you to bring this up now, especially not at a time like this."

"Wait…" Roy asks, voice trailing off with confusion, "…what are you talking about?"

"About the promise we made to each other." Riza replied. "Of course I'll fulfill it."

"Then why aren't you shooting me, dang it!?" Roy roars, while Pride and Wrath look on with confusion.

"Why the heck would I shoot you?" Riza asks, looking legitimately befuddled.

Roy blinks several times, trying to make sense of everything.

"Okay…let's make sure we're on the same page here." Roy slowly begins. "What promise are you talking about exactly?"

"The one we made to each other when we first met." Riza replies, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "You know…before we both joined the military?"

Roy looks at Riza with a guilty expression on his face. "Uhm…remind me again?"

"YOU SAID WE'D GET MARRIED!" Riza shouts. "You'd give me your life if I gave you mine! Did you seriously forget that!? Really!? Why did you say you wanted me to honor my promise to you then!?"

"I was talking about you shooting me in the head if I started straying from the path!" Roy protested.

"Oh well maybe I will shoot you in the head, you baka!" Riza shouts back, acing Roy in the head before storming off.

"Wow…and people say _I'm_ the embodiment of wrath." Fuhrer King Bradley exclaims, awestruck by Hawkeye's ruthlessness.

* * *

Panel 2:

He is alone in this place. Or at least, he _thinks_ he is.

 _"Hello… al-che-mist."_

Roy spins around in shock. Where at first he had only seen empty space, he can now see the dim outline of a male figure about the same size as him, crouching just a few feet away. The only feature the figure possesses is the outline of a mouth with grinning teeth—a smug and hungry-looking expression.

He backs away immediately, pressing against the stone gate.

 _"Why the sudden terror, al-che-mist?"_ the figure asks, not moving from its position. _"Are you afraid of the truth?"_

Roy blinks a couple of times.

"Uhm…no?" he replies. "But…I am kind of creeped-out by you."

 _"Whaaaaaaaaat!?"_ Truth asks, looking deeply offended, _"Now why would_ I _creep you out!? I'm a perfectly normal and nice guy."_

"Uhhhhhhh, no you're not." Roy replies. "You're actually pretty weird, to be perfectly honest."

 _"Ugh! I so am NOT! And I can prove it!"_ Truth protests. _"Hey Gate of Truth,"_ Truth asks, addressing the gate behind Roy, _"You don't think I'm weird, right?"_

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh…do I have to answer that?" The gate of Truth asks.

 _"You know what, never mind."_ Truth replies, _"I'll just take a poll on this."_

"Take a poll on it?" Roy asks, more confused than ever.

 _"Well yeah."_ Truth replies with a shrug. _"You see, in addition to being God, you, the physical embodiment of truth, and a gigantic pulsating nervous system of planet Earth shaped like a gigantic eyeball, I am also an embodiment of every living being who ever existed, so I figured I could just access the memories of everyone to get their opinions on this issue."_

"…that's really weird." Roy replies after a long and uncomfortable pause. "Just admit it already Truth. You're really weird…and confusing."

Truth stares at him with a massive frown on his formless face.

 _"Imma throw you in my Eldritch Horror shadow hand tentacle portal now."_

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdoooooooooooooo!" Roy screams as the weird and twisted nightmare fuel hands pull him through the doorway.

* * *

Panel 3:

He feels his body fall to pieces, strip after strip of skin, muscle, and nerves peeling away like sheets of paper. The agony is enough to make him wish for unconsciousness or even death—but then, he sees something, swirling overhead in this vortex of knowledge. He reaches for it.

Looking back, there is no way Roy can ever explain to another person what he saw, and yet somehow understood.

He breaks the fourth wall.

 _He sees a Japanese woman doodling something that looked like a cow, along with small versions of Roy and many of his friends._

"What is this?!"

 _He sees a bunch of Japanese guys drawing pictures and working at computers in order to animate his series, lineart of himself and the characters he knows stacked in haphazard stacks next to cups of coffee!_

"No! No it can't be true!" Roy protests, "Make it stop!"

 _He sees Funimation buying the rights to dub his series, Travis Willingham providing his voice for Roy, while his wife, Laura Bailey voices Lust._

"No! Impossible!" Roy gasps in horror, "I'm married to Lust IRL!? My greatest enemy!? No! It's too much! Please! No more truth! I can't take it anymore!"

But it doesn't stop. Roy only goes deeper into the truth.

 _He sees a teenage college girl badgering a dorky otaku boy to watch "FMA Brotherhood." He sees as said otaku falls in love with the series and both the college girl and otaku grow utterly INSANE with the desire to create some kind of stupid fanfic! And it gets even worse when the otaku decides to make some kind of ridiculous parody of said fanfic called "Again 4Koma Theater!"_

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Roy Mustang exclaims in agony as he truly learns the ultimate truth of his ridiculous existence as a mere parody of a fanfic.

* * *

Panel 4:

 _"And so you begin to understand,"_ Truth muses with a smile. _"As of now, you have paid the toll for your involuntary transgression with a quick trip through the portal. You're free to return to your world at this point, but as you can see, there are now several gates in this room."_

Roy looks about the room to see the many different gates that have appeared in the room.

 _"In door #1."_ Truth begins, putting on a top-hat and indicating the first door with a showman's flourish, _"You can just go back and die, and let everyone else die, but you'll probably feel better about yourself because you won't have accepted any monkey paw gift."_

"Uh huh…" Roy blinks. "And the other doors?"

 _"In door #2!"_ Truth continues, waltzing up to the next door, _"We have the unlimited free power of time control, for only the small and vague price of something horrible and ironic in exchange!"_

"Hmmm…sounds good, sounds good, not gonna lie." Roy muses. "And uhm…the third door?"

 _"And finally!"_ Truth concludes, waltzing up to the last door, _"In door #3 we have…exactly the same world as the original anime series but…all the female officers are wearing tiny mini-skirts!"_

"DOOR NUMBER THREE!" Roy shouts, leaping onto his feet and racing towards the door at breakneck speed! "DOOR NUMBER THREE, BABY! After all this time, my dream will finally be fulfilled!"

* * *

 **Shimmering-Sky's A/N: Excuse me while I go suffocate myself attempting not to laugh because I live in a dorm and it's like midnight where I live. Hats off to Donjusticia for creating this. *Buries face in hands and shakes while holding in the laughter***

 **Donjusticia A/N: You're welcome, Sky. You're welcome.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Roy: Ba, da, daaaaaaaaaa-…yeah, I'm not really feeling it. Do we really have to do the whole, "Ba, da, daaaaaaa," thing at the beginning of every chapter?**

 **Donjusticia: Well…I mean…it's sort of traditional and uh…**

 **Roy: Well screw tradition. I say we come up with a bit more variety, like…I don't know…some kind of witty theme song?**

 **Donjusticia: Okay. I'll whip up something.**

 ***2 seconds later.***

 **Roy: *Reading the script.* You can't be serious.**

 **Donjusticia: Oh but I am.**

 **Roy: *Inhales deeply* Okay…fine then. Let's just get this over with.**

 **Anime-niacs (A parody of the "Animaniacs" Theme Song.)**

 **Edward, Alphonse, and Roy: It's time for Anime-niacs!**

 **Edward: And we're angsty to the max.**

 **Alphonse: So just sit back and relax.**

 **Roy: You will laugh till you collapse.**

 **Edward, Alphonse, and Roy: We're Anime-niacs!**

 **Edward: So come join the Elric brothers,**

 **Roy: And an alchemist named Roy.**

 **Last chapter I was busy**

 **fixing some poor old brat's toy.**

 **I ordered my friend, Riza**

 **To shoot me in the head.**

 **But I spoke with Truth**

 **And with a "Poof!"**

 **I came back from the dead!**

 **Ed, Al, and Roy: We're Anime-niacs!**

 **Mei is cute, and Ling's a hack!**

 **Gluttony packs away the snacks!**

 **And Truth spouts some random facts!**

 **We're Anime-niacs!**

 **Meet Gluttony and Lust**

 **Who help Dad rule the universe!**

 **The seven sins flock together,**

 **Izumi smacks them with her purse!**

 **Marcoh runs from Envy,**

 **Scar makes his face look worse!**

 **Winry bakes some pies**

 **And then Hughes dies**

 **It's like they all are cursed!**

 **We're Anime-niacs!**

 **Hoping for a really good climax!**

 **We're angsty to the max!**

 **We've got homunculi on our backs!**

 **Roy: We're Anime-ny**

 **Edward and Alphonse: Totally brainy.**

 **Mei: Teaching Alkahest-ry**

 **The whole FMA Brotherhood Cast: Anime-niacs! Those are the facts!**

* * *

 **Again 4Koma Theater 2**

Panel 1:

"…What's wrong, sir?" Riza's voice, with a hint of concern, drags him out of his thoughts—he'd completely forgotten she was here, and now she'd seen this entire episode.

"I—uh—" Roy coughs, sinking back into his chair. No matter how much he trusts Riza, he can't tell her what happened. Not yet. "I'm fine, Lieutenant. Just took me a second to wake up, and remembered I have a lot of paperwork to file before our transfer to Central." _That's a decent excuse, right? Please don't question it_ , Roy thinks, hiding his nervousness behind one of his sheepish grins.

Thankfully, she doesn't. "This is why you should do your paperwork when I give it to you instead of wasting your time planning dates and messing with people, sir."

"Hey—that's not _all_ I do!" Roy objects, folding his arms across his chest and almost pouting like a small child. "And I _do_ do my paperwork. Sometimes. Maybe if you wouldn't act like a stern _mother_ all the time I'd get it done faster."

"Sit up!" Riza barks, "And don't you dare use that tone with me when I'm talking to you, young man!"

"But Liueteeeenaaaant!" Roy whines.

"'Butts' are for sitting on chairs." Riza scolds. "And when was the last time you brushed your hair!? Do I have to get your aunt on the phone!?"

"No, Liuetenant." Roy grumbles.

"Good boy." Riza replies, patting Roy on the head. "Now straighten up your desk and hair and wash your hands when you're done. We're having Spinach Quiche for dinner."

"Awwwwwww, but I HATE Spinach Quiche!" Roy whines, stamping his feet on the ground as he throws a tantrum.

"Do I have to send you to your barracks for a time-out again!?" Riza scolds, wagging her finger at Roy.

"No." Roy grumbles, vigorously shaking his head.

"Well good." Riza replies, "Because you are going to eat every last spoonful of Quiche, and you won't get any dessert until you've finished."

* * *

Panel 2:

Roy fishes a notepad and a pen out of his desk, and begins writing down all of the things he knows he has to prevent. Of the things he'd already thought of (with a side note to somehow work out how to gain Major General Armstrong's favor… or at least how to make her not want to take off his head as soon as he starts talking), he adds delaying or stopping Sloth from completing the tunnel under Amestris; failing that, preventing the crest of blood from being carved in the North would definitely work, stopping the Immortal Legion from being activated, and if he could, figure out a way to stop the unrest in Liore. He thinks it might be too late for the last one, but if he can do _anything_ to save a few lives, he _will_.

He sighs, tapping his pen on the desk a few times. What else should he do? Finding a way to contact Van Hohenheim can't hurt. Oh, and securing Dr. Marcoh from the homunculi—the man's research on the Philosopher's Stone can possibly help him out. Is there anything else? The nagging feeling in his gut says there is, but he just can't seem to—

"OH MY GOSH! I'VE GOTTA SAVE HUGHES!" Roy shouts before rushing out the room.

 **One chapter later…**

"Wow! Thanks for saving me, Roy." Says Hughes, thanking his friend as he works to compose himself. "If you hadn't of arrived sooner, I would have been a goner!"

"Just doing my job." Roy reassures his friend before sighing with relief.

 _Wow! It worked! Time travel is awesome! By why should I stop here! What other things could I fix!?_

"Okay, wait right here, Hughes." Roy instructs his friend. "There's a couple more things I need to fix."

And with a snap of his fingers, Roy suddenly disappeared from the present time.

…

"Come here, Nina." Shou Tucker whispered to his daughter, "I want to 'play' with you…"

"Okay, but…why do Alexander and I need to stand in the scary demon circle?" Nina asks her dad as Shou laughs insanely.

Suddenly, before Shou can make another move on his daughter and her extremely cute dog, Roy suddenly appears in the room.

"YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!" Roy roars, punching Shou in the face before hand-cuffing him.

"NO! My plans! My beautiful plans! All my dreams of renewing my state certification ruined!" Shou wails.

"You can turn your state certification in to the judge!" Roy growls before shoving Shou into a conveniently placed police car.

"No! Daddy!" Nina wails. "He was an egomaniacal psychopath, but I loved him! How can I go on without any of my parents!?"

"One second." Roy reassures the little girl before snapping his fingers and reappearing seconds later with Nina's mom, alive and well and most definitely not a chimera.

"There." Says Roy, as Nina and her mom hug. "You're life is happy now."

"State Alchemist!" The voice of Scar roars as he suddenly bursts into the room, hand outstretched. "Prepare to meet God!"

"Listen, Scar, let's just talk for a moment." Roy sighs.

"No talking!" Scar growls, "Just exploding your face!"

"Listen," Roy huffs, rolling his eyes in exasperation, "Your brother was an alchemist too, just like the Rockbells who were good people who cared about you, yadda, yadda, yadda, cycle of revenge must end."

"I'm instantly repentant now." Scar replies, lowering his arms and vowing to peacefully rebuild relations between Amestris and Ishval.

"Great!" Roy exclaims, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make a trip to Liore."

 **Liore**

"I am the voice of Leto!" Father Cornello bellows as throngs of followers gather around his temple.

"No you're not, you're a fake." Says Roy, suddenly appearing behind the cult leader before smashing his ring.

"Nooooooooo!" Father Cornello wails, "The source of my fake powers! I'm ruined!"

"Waaaaaaaaaah! My faith was based on something completely fake!" Rose bellows.

"Listen, just start a food stand, and you'll feel better." Roy replies, patting her on the back.

"What?" Rose asks, looking completely confused.

"Just trust me, it will make sense later on." Roy admonishes before snapping his fingers and disappearing again.

…

"So, you ready to bring mom back?" Edward asks his brother Alphonse.

"Eff yeah!" Alphonse enthusiastically replies. "Let's commit the taboo!"

Suddenly, Roy appears in front of them before smacking them both in the face.

"No!" he roars, "Bad children! No using alchemy to bring back the dead!"

"But we-…" Edward begins.

"No!" Roy repeats. "Don't you do it! It won't work anyway! You'll just end up bringing back the corpse of some random guy who isn't even your mom."

"Awww…but we miss mom so much!" Edward groans while Alphonse begins weeping.

"Okay, look guys." Roy sighs, "It'll all work out in the end. You'll marry Winry and have tons of kids," he begins, pointing at Edward, whose eyes widen with shock, "And as for you, Alphonse," he continues, pointing at Ed's brother, "you'll probably end up with…oh…I don't know…some Xiangese princess or something."

"WHOO!" Alphonse celebrates while Edward looks completely mortified.

"Whelp, I think that takes care of just about everything." Roy muses, before he's suddenly hit by some inspiration.

"Okay, never mind." He says to nobody in particular, "I just remembered that there's a way we could prevent all our problems from ever happening in the first place!"

 **The Kingdom of Xerxes**

"So tell me the secret of immortality!" King Xerxes commands The Man in the Flask.

"Okay." The Man in the Flask replies, a mischievous grin on his face, " All you've gotta do is-…"

Suddenly, Roy appears next to Slave #23 before casually knocking the flask from his hands.

"OH WHAT A WORLD! WHAT A WORLD!" The Man in the Flask screams as his container shatters and his body dissolves into black mist.

"Wha-what the-…?" King Xerxes sputters in astonishment.

"Trust me, you're highness, I'm saving EVERYONE a whole lot of trouble." Roy promises.

* * *

Panel 3:

That's not what I—you know what, never mind. I don't want to argue." Roy lets himself sink back in his seat in relief. The pain in his chest has turned into a numb sort of happiness and he doesn't want to ruin it. "Your first assumption was right. I don't feel like filing paperwork and thought talking to you could help pass the time. Got… Got any new daughter stories, Hughes?"

There's a sharp intake of breath from the other end. _"Whoa, who are you and what have you done with Roy Mustang?_

Roy is about to reply, when all of his men have suddenly leveled their guns at him.

"On your feet, Colonel!" Riza barks, "Or should I even call you that?"

"Lieutenant, what are you-…?" Roy begins, before Hughes suddenly interrupts him from the other end.

 _"_ _Can it, imposter!"_ He barks. " _I don't know exactly how you managed to disguise your voice and appearance, but there's one thing I AM certain of! The real Roy Mustang would NEVER call me to hear some of my daughter stories!"_

"Oh come on, man!" Roy protests, "I was just trying to…you know…be friendly at all!"

"Ha! As if!" Riza scoffs.

"The Colonel Mustang I know doesn't have any friends!" Havoc growls, cocking his pistol.

"Yeah!" Fuery agrees, "We all know what Mustang's _really_ like!"

"For one, he's a complete A-hole who doesn't even notice the people who actually care about him!" Riza growls.

 _"_ _He also sounds like a complete moron over the phone, not at all like you do!"_ Hughes angrily adds, _"He's always going on like, 'Duuuuuuuuuuuuh…imma become Fuhrer, but I don't have a freaking clue how!? Could you tell me what to do, Hughes?'"_

"And the real Roy isn't _nearly_ as handsome as you are!" Havoc adds, "Riza and I are always making jokes behind the _real_ Colonel's back about how stupid his fat face looks!"

"Yeah! His face is so ugly that the real Roy Mustang couldn't find a girlfriend even if he _did_ become Fuhrer!" Riza adds.

Roy stares at his followers, a look of disbelief coming over his face.

"Truth!" he shouts to the sky, "I'd like my old timeline back now, please!"

* * *

Panel 4:

He strains his memory for some sign that he can—he'd absorbed so much information in that place it hurts to think about. But he sees, something. He pictures the transmutation circle he needs in his mind, and claps his hands together to complete it before pressing his hands on the yo-yo.

For a second, nothing happens, and Roy _sinks_ , afraid he's just embarrassed himself in front of this kid. His eyes light up when the familiar crackle of blue lightning flash around the toy, and in an instant the repair is done. Roy stares at his hands while the boy celebrates his toy being fixed. He, he actually _can_ do it. Meaning… meaning he's just made himself a bigger target for the homunculi, if word gets out.

"Wowwowwow! Mister, that was so cool!" the boy cheers. "It was like magic!"

"Magic? No, that was _alchemy_ , kid," Roy replies with a grin.

"Can you fix my top?" A girl from behind suddenly asks, holding up her broken toy.

"Well…uh…" Roy begins before another boy suddenly approaches him.

"Can you fix my slinky?"

"Look kid, I'd like to help you all, but I'm kind of in a-…" Roy replies, before a crowd suddenly swarms him.

"Could you mend my dress?" A woman asks.

"And my marriage relationship?" Another man asks.

"Could you bring my dead dog back to life?" Another little boy asks.

"Excuse me," A gentleman in a top hat asks, "but I'm in need of some refreshment. Could you transmute this water into some wine for me?"

"I have been lame for twenty years!" A cripple gasps, "Please! Could you mend my legs!?"

"Master! If it be thy will, thou canst make me clean!" A leper pleads, ringing his bell.

"I need only touch his robe, and I shall be healed!" A hooded woman whispers to herself before grabbing at Roy's sleeve.

"TRUTH!" Roy shouts over the multitude, "I'M SERIOUS ABOUT TAKING BACK THAT DEAL NOW!"

 **Ending Donjusticia A/N: Thank you all once again for your support. Have a wonderful, normal, non-repeating day.**


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Donjusticia and his affiliates are not responsible for any lasting trauma the light-hearted jokes in this particular chapter inflict upon readers or certain muses of Shimmering-Sky. No normal shipping pairs were harmed in the making of Panel 3.**

* * *

 **Envy: Ba! Da! Daa-**

 **Roy: *Snaps his fingers***

 **Envy: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY TONGUES ON FIRE! MY TONGUES ON FIRE!**

 **Roy: *Blows on his finger like a gun* Never gets old.**

 **Donjusticia A/N: Oh boy! It's that time again! Shimmering-Sky's just submitted a new chapter! And lucky for me, this last chapter was divided into four segments, so this 4Koma practically writes itself! Except it doesn't…which is why it took me a little while…ugh.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 **Again 4Koma Theater 3**

Panel 1:

The sun has long since set by the time Roy is running through the streets. It works in his favor because it means the streets—especially the further away from the station he goes—are practically empty, everyone having retired for the night. No witnesses to his near-frantic sprinting, which could raise unwanted questions if seen by the wrong person. But it also means that he is almost out of time, as he follows the path to the phone booth, tugging his gloves into place.

 _I'll make it._

 _I will._

 _I have to._

 _I'll make it._

 _I'll definitely make it._

 _Any time now…_

 _I'm almost a quarter of the way there._

 _Gonna make it…_

 _I'm so gonna make it…_

 _I just gotta find the right phone booth._

 _How many phone booths exactly are in Central?_

 _I hope I don't choose the wrong phone booth._

 _Ok, no! Don't get distracted Roy! You're gonna make it!_

 _I just need to eliminate all these empty phone booths I keep finding until I find the right one._

 _And there are more empty phone booths._

 _How many phone booths are there around here!?_

"DANG IT, HUGHES!" Roy screams into the night, "WHERE ARE YOU!?

…

"Is that, Roy?" Hughes asks as he reaches a phone booth just close enough for him to hear the insane rambling in the distance. "No, it can't be. He's in Eastern. I've gotta call him and warn him!" He picks up the phone and begins dialing. "Come on! Come on!" He mumbles to himself.

Suddenly, he hears a message on the phone.

 _"Hello, this is Roy-…"_

"Yes!" Hughes replies, "Roy! I need to talk to you about-…"

 _"…Mustang's office!"_ The answering machine continues, much to Hughes's dismay, _"I'm currently out creating a temporal paradox with my newfound powers. Please leave a message after the rap!"_

"Rap?" Hughes asks with confusion.

 _"Oh snap, snap!_

 _Spark! Spark!_

 _It's time to light up the_

 _Diggy diggy dark!_

 _I'm the Flame Alchemist_

 _And I'm gonna be Fuhrer!_

 _My beats are hot_

 _And my rhymes are purer!_

 _I like the ladies in the miniskirts!_

 _I be posin' in the mirror without my fancy shirts!_

 _I'm gonna get chy heart on fire_

 _With a WHOOSH! WHOOSH!_

 _And ya know my heart burns bright too!_

 _KABOOM! KABOOM!_

 _My fire power tonight is feelin'_

 _Just right, KABLAM! KABLAM!_

 _Hooga! Hooga! Frika! Frika!_

 _WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?_

"Gosh…dang it…Roy." Hughes dejectedly growls as he hangs up the phone.

"Some things never change, do they?" Miss Envy Ross observes as she prepares to pop Hughes in the head.

"Just shoot me already." Hughes groans.

* * *

Panel 2:

The Führer turns, walking towards the door. He stops just before it, turning his head to look at Hughes one last time. "I don't expect my subordinates to like me. I don't even need them to _trust_ me. Heck, I don't even care if they out-and-out _mutiny_ against me."

"Fuhrer?" Hughes asks, confused.

"I mean," Fuhrer Bradley continues, "I honestly am surprised nobody's figured it out by now! It's not like I wear this eye-patch all the time! My wife probably would have noticed something! Not to mention the fact that I've done absolutely NOTHING to hide my extreme superhuman swordsmanship abilities! Heck, the elevator that leads directly to Father's chamber isn't even covered up! There's even a button below the basement button that says 'Secret Lair!'"

He shakes his head sadly. "Tell me Hughes, why are lowly humans not perfect homunculi like me? It honestly confuses me how we've managed to keep all of these cover-ups secret for so long."

Hughes sweats. "You've just given away all your secrets to me, Fuhrer. Does this mean you're gonna kill me now?"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Fuhrer Bradley asks, looking genuinely surprised. "Of course not! What do you think I am? The physical embodiment of Wrath itself? I'm just gonna lightly slap your hand, scold you, and tell you not to interfere with our evil diabolical plans to turn this entire nation into a gigantic transmutation circle again. Understood?"

"Really?" Hughes asks, feeling hopeful, if not utterly dumbfounded.

"No." The Fuhrer coldly replies before shoving one sword through Hughes and another through Roy.

* * *

Panel 3:

Roy begins fighting his way through the massive herd, practically swimming through the waves of cotton. He can't see the other end of the herd anywhere in sight, just more and more cotton as far as the eye can see. But he doesn't let that stop him. He can't let anything else slow him down.

Suddenly, up ahead, he sees a flash of white. It's even whiter than the sheep surrounding Roy, whiter and brighter and expanding and swallowing everything around it—including Roy.

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

Hughes is lying dead in the phone booth, Envy laughing his/her/its head off.

"NOOOOOO!" Roy screams, "IMPOSSIBLE! I just saved that idiot's life!"

"Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!" Envy replies. "I'm just a figment of your imagination designed to torment you!"

"Wait…designed to torment me? What are you-…?"

But before he can finish his sentence, the whiteness returns and a parade of utterly horrific images begins prancing through his mind.

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

He sees Hughes get crushed by Sloth…only…it's not Sloth. Instead, a woman with liquid limbs and poor 2003ish animation, who looks strangely like Trisha Elric, is standing above Hughes's corpse.

"Like…whatever?" Miss Sloth drones in an utterly impassive voice devoid of all character depth.

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

"Hey, thanks for saving me, Roy!" Hughes thanks his friend. **"NOW I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAUGHTER UNTIL YOUR EARS BLEED!"**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Roy screams.

…

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… … …

… …

…

 _The images are coming faster now. Growing even more insane!_

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

"Lust! Will you marry me!?" Roy sees him ask the buxom homunculus.

"How about, 'No.'" Lust replies, stabbing him through the chest.  
"Worth…a shot." Are Roy's last words before he dies.

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

"Riza! Will you marry me!?" Alex Armstrong asks, kneeling with his shirt off before presenting the wedding ring to a blushing Riza.

"Oh of course I'll marry you!" Riza squeals with joy. "Oh how could I not!? You're the manliest of all men in this entire series! And you actually notice me unlike a certain jerk-face I know!"

 _"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Roy wails before another vision comes to his mind._

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

"Oh Garfiel!" Winry begins, twiddling her thumbs while blushing slightly. "I know this may seem out of the blue…but…you've always been kind to me…and…well…WILL YOU PLEASE MARRY ME!?"

"Oh-ho-ho!" Garfiel giggles, "My, we've been partners for a while now, Winry, but this was most certainly unexpected!"

 _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Roy screams. "That doesn't even make sense!"_

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

 _It's getting worse now._

…

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… … …

… …

…

Mei Chang marries Gluttony after the homunculus reminds her of her mini-panda.

…

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… … …

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…

Alphonse gets the hots for Olivier Armstrong who decides to marry him out of sheer pity.

…

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…

Edward hooks up with Lan Fan because REASONS!

…

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… … …

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…

 _NO! MAKE IT STOP!_

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Ling hooks up with Rose and together they begin a new cult in Liore.

…

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… … …

… …

…

 _I SAID STOP!_

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…

Dante comes back from the 2003 anime and starts hitting on Father. Together, they complete their plans to ruin the series once and for all.

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Roy screams in utter horror, "Whatever sadistic idiot is making me go through this, please STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

…

… …

… … …

… …

…

Laughing their heads off, Truth and Donjusticia clap their hands together in celebration before plotting even more sadistic ways to torment Roy and Shimmering-Sky respectively.

* * *

Panel 4:

"Ah, my apologies then," Bradley—or rather, Wrath—says, "I didn't realize that taking care of two humans was too difficult of a job for you. I'll be sure to let Father know that he needs to give you easier tasks in the future. I believe Sloth could always use some company…"

If it isn't for a nurse walking by, Envy would have lashed out.

Instead, the Fuhrer and Envy find themselves in the uncomfortable position of needing to converse with a rather over-enthusiastic nurse.

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!" The Nurse squeals with delight. "Is that like…Fuhrer King Bradley himself!? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! I am like…SUCH…a big fan of yours!"

"Fan?" Bradley asks, looking confused.

"Uh like…YEAH!" The nurse gushes. "I've like…followed your adventures literally EVERYWHERE, and have taken pictures of literally EVERYTHING! I mean…like…oh my gosh! It is like…so totally cool how you have kept your secret identity from Amestris! I mean, you're like…a superhero! And like…that secret lair you guys have!"

"Secret lair!?" Envy sputters, unable to believe what he is hearing.

"Like…totally yeah!" The nurse squeals with delight. "The one with all the pipes and that one old guy with the blonde hair who's chillin on the throne!? Oh my gosh! I like…totally shared photos with ALL my friends and acquaintances."

"How the heck did you find that place!?" Envy sputters while Fuhrer Bradley pales with disbelief.

"Well I mean it's not like that place is really well hidden." The nurse shrugs. "I mean, you can practically just walk into any elevator in Central and push the button that says 'Secret Lair,' on it."

Envy and Bradley both smack their foreheads.

"We really need to do a better job keeping state secrets." Bradley Sighs.

* * *

 **Donjusticia Ending A/N: Yes, all of that just happened, and no, I do not apologize for any of it. For those of you wondering why Panel 3 turned out the way it did, it's because I know I can always count on a beautiful reaction from Sky whenever I mess with any of her shipping pairs. On a related note, if one of you people reading this could save me from a certain axe-wielding psychopathic muse of Shimmering-Sky's named Faith, who has recently tracked down my home, I would very much appreciate it.**

 **LEAVE A REVIEW BEFORE SHE KILLS ME!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Roy: *Wheeling up in a wheelchair* Okay, Sky, you've been waiting for this. And now, fulfilling your request, Riza, Karen, if you would? *Puts on a pair of sunglasses and begins playing a beatbox before getting wheeled through the hospital by Karen and Riza, both of whom are wearing sunglasses, mini-skirts, and gold chains around their necks.***

 **Flame Alchemy**

 **(A parody of "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al, who was parodying something else.)**

 **They see me roll on, my wheelchair**

 **I'm injured 'cause I had to use my Flame Alchemy**

 **I think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Gotta use my Time Alchemy**

 **Now I can't use Flame Alchemy!**

 **I wanna roll with, the Alchemists**

 **But so far, they all think I can't use Flame Alchemy!**

 **They think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Useless when wet and soggy**

 **Can't use my Flame Alchemy!**

 **Best of the best in the military!**

 **Got skills, gonna replace Fuhrer Bradley!**

 **Beat General Grummun over a cup of tea!**

 **Make women wear miniskirts and panties!**

 **I never get burned, to the contrary!**

 **Even though my rhymes are incendiary!**

 **Got so many kills, that it's just scary!**

 **Think I'm a madder killer than Barry!**

 **My central office is all totally pimped out!**

 **Got people beggin' to get in my good graces!**

 **Yo, I got agents stationed in a thousand places!**

 **I can do a covert OP and leave no traces!**

 **I reset time to save my buddy, Maes**

 **I'm a wiz at Alchemy, I could to this for days!**

 **Once you see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed!**

 **My gloves are snappin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze!**

 **Envy's here? Well I'll burn his tongue!**

 **Lust will learn that I'm number one!**

 **Roast Gluttony just for fun!**

 **I ain't got a grenade, but Riza's got my gun!**

 **Olivier is my favorite Armstrong!**

 **But I could sure kick her butt in a game of Mahjong!**

 **I'll ace any trivia quiz Truth brings on!**

 **Fluent in Xiangese as well as Drachma!**

 **(This is the part I sing on!)**

 **They see me roll with, my bad legs**

 **I know in my heart they think I can't do Flame Alchemy!**

 **They think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Exchange of Time Alchemy!**

 **Just can't use Flame Alchemy!**

 **I'd like to roll with, the Alchemists**

 **Although it's apparent I can't use Flame Alchemy!**

 **They think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Even though I can do Clap Alchemy!**

 **How come I can't use Flame Alchemy!**

 **I've been browsin' inspectin'**

 **Chess pieces, you know I collect them?**

 **Secret codes and messages, I disseminate them**

 **My aunt Chris Mustang**

 **Is a real whiz-bang!**

 **Callin on the phone to hook up with Dr. Knox**

 **To ship away, Maria Ross!**

 **I memorized Marcoh's notes real well**

 **Sheska could recite them to you now, and have you ROTFLOL!**

 **I got a business selling Ice Cream!**

 **When my friends need some guns, who do they call?**

 **I give a double scoop of bullets for them all!**

 **Even make a bullet-proof vest for Riza's dog!**

 **Yo! I brought Barry's body back!**

 **They were using him as a lab rat!**

 **Father's gonna fall right into my trap!**

 **Pop! Pop! Hope no one hears me, I'm scheming.**

 **I'm power hungry in the extreme!**

 **Won't stop till I've fulfilled my dream!**

 **I advanced through private, lieutenant, till I'm top of the military!**

 **Only question I, ever thought was hard.**

 **Was do I prefer Riza in a miniskirt, or in a thong?**

 **Spend every weekend at Madame Christmas's bar.**

 **All my plans are working out so far!**

 **They see me pantin', they laughin**

 **And rollin' their eyes 'cause I can't do Flame Alchemy!**

 **Just because I can't do Flame Alchemy!**

 **Just because I can't do Flame Alchemy!**

 **All because I can't do Flame Alchemy!**

 **Holy cow, I can't do Flame Alchemy!**

 **I wanna bowl with, the Alchemists**

 **But, oh well, it's obvious I can't do Flame Alchemy**

 **They think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Think I can't use Flame Alchemy**

 **Useless when wet and soggy**

 **Can't believe I can't use Flame Alchemy!**

* * *

Panel 1:

If it had been any other day, Roy would have retorted with some sarcastic comment that the two of them would have laughed off. Instead, Roy sinks back into his pillow, grimacing slightly as his lungs cringe in pain, and covers his eyes with his arm. _Just a dream. It was just a dream. There is no way Hughes is actually dead or that the other nonsense I dreamed about will actually happen._

"Sure about that?" Envy asks as he holds up Hughes decapitated head.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Roy screams before waking up to Riza and Armstrong's wedding.

"It was so nice of you to agree to be my best man." Armstrong gushes as he envelops Roy in a beefy hug, light sparkling off his bare muscles and glorious moustache.

"It was almost as nice as when he agreed to be our best man for Garfiel and I's wedding!" Winry laughes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Roy wails in agony.

 **Yes I made that joke again, Sky. It never gets old.**

* * *

Panel 2:

Hughes rolls his eyes, exaggerating a groan. "You alchemists and your 'equivalent exchange' this, 'equivalent exchange' that. What if I don't _want_ your apology? What if I just want to know what on Earth you were doing in Central to begin with two nights ago?"

Roy freezes, gripping the sheets on his bed. _Dammit, of course he wants to know. What am I supposed to say? 'Oh, I found out how to transmute time and send myself to the past after I was killed by Riza, and in the timeline I came from, you were murdered in that phone booth so I had to save you'?_

 _…_

 _Actually, now I come to think of it, that's actually the PERFECT explanation._

"Okay Hughes…now…I know this may sound strange, but as I continue talking, this will slowly start to make sense." Roy begins.

"What are you talking about?" Hughes asks, looking confused.

"Okay, so I know you won't believe me at first, but basically, imma time traveler." Roy replies.

Hughes begins laughing.

"Oh? You don't believe me? Well watch this. I know everything that is going to happen before it happens. In precisely three seconds Elicia will walk through those doors and give you a hug. Three…"

"Oh come on, Roy," Hughes laughs, "do you really expect me to,"

"Two."

"I mean," Hughes continues, "you're prediction's not actually gonna,"

"One."

"DADDY!" Elicia screams as she runs into the room to give Hughes a hug.

"Okay…" Hughes hesitantly replies, "Lucky guess, but I doubt you can actually…"

"Gracia is wearing a white shirt over a green blouse and will come in carrying two bags, one holding Elicia's stuffed cat and the other holding her stuffed dog." Roy continues.

"Was someone talking about me?" Gracia asks as she enters the room, wearing a white shirt over a green blouse while carrying two bags.

"Ok, you just-…" Hughes sputters.

"And you are holding three fingers behind your back." Roy finishes, causing Hughes to shut up.

"Okay, you convinced me." Hughes replies.

"And conveniently revealed your secret to us." Pride adds, entering the room before om-nomming everyone with his shadow tentacles.

* * *

Panel 3:

His gaze drifts to the foot of his bed, where Mimi the stuffed cat rests. It unsettles him not because of his dislike for cats, but its endlessly staring eyes remind him that the homunculi are probably monitoring his every action right now. He grabs the stuffed animal and tosses it to Hughes. "…Anyways, here. It's touching and all, but you know I hate cats."

Hughes tosses the cat back at him. "Uh-uh, Roy, you're keeping Elicia's gift to you."

"Yeah!" Mimi agrees, "You can't just throw me away! Not when I wuv you so much!"

Roy blinks…several times…as he attempts to process what just happened.

"Uhm…Maes…did you happen to see…what just happened…with the stuffed cat?" Roy asks, picking up the stuffed cat and examining it.

"Hey! Stop bothering your friend, Roy!" Hughes replies with a strangely dog-like voice as he moves the stuffed dog around. "You need to get serious and start playing with Mimi! You don't want to hurt Elicia's feelings now, do you?"

"Hughes…are you okay?" Roy exclaims in alarm, noticing how unfocused Maes's zombie-like face is.

"Hughes is just fine!" Maes barks, angrily shaking Frou-Frou at Roy, "He's playing with his best friend Frou-Frou right now, just like you should be playing with Mimi!"

"Yes!" Mimi agrees, suddenly inexplicably using its stuffed legs to crawl up Roy's chest, "You must play with me, Roy! We protected Elicia when she was scared! And now that she has given us to you, we will comfort you, and make you smile! Forever and ever!"

"Forever!" Frou-Frou agrees, making Maes lean over to pin Roy to the bed before helping Frou-Frou fasten Mimi to Roy's hand.

"No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Roy screams. "This is impossible! How is this happening!?"

"Man, I have _way_ too much fun." Pride snickers as he uses his shadow tentacles to cause further mischief with the stuffed toys.

* * *

Panel 4:

Roy can hear the voices of Fuery and Breda in the background, shouting their own questions over Havoc's back. He goes to answer when a different noise fills the background—someone stomping, and _loudly_. His eyes widen and he preemptively draws his head back from the receiver.

 _"COLONEL! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!"_ Riza screams from the other end, loud enough to scare the nurse _and_ nearly blow out Roy's eardrums despite not having the phone to his ear.

 _…Yep, I knew she'd be mad at me._ "Look, Lieutenant, I—"

 _"Don't give me that!"_ she cuts him off, voice quivering with fury. _"I don't understand how going to see your sister 'Matilda' in the hospital turns into you almost getting yourself_ killed _saving Hughes! Why didn't you call us sooner—no, before that, why did you go off on your own? What the hell did you do?"_

Roy pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "Calm down, Hawkeye, I didn't call earlier because I _couldn't_. I'm fine now, though. In fact…" He taps the mouthpiece twice in rapid succession. "I was just about to tell you the entire story. Are you listening?"

 **One encoded story later**

"And that's what happened." Roy finishes, tapping the phone receiver twice.

 _"Well…that was a long and…really boring story."_ Riza sighs, _"But I honestly don't see how that has to do with anything."_

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me!" Roy snaps, "Did you not get anything I was trying to tell you! I snapped twice, Riza! I snapped twice!"

 _"Oh, really?"_ Riza exclaims in shock. _"Sorry. It was over the phone. I didn't catch any of it. Could you maybe…I don't know…verbally say 'snap snap' and…start over?"_

"Riza! I'm being monitored at this very moment! I can't let anyone figure out that-…"

"That what?" Mimi the stuffed cat interrupts, folding its plushy arms before frowning at Roy with its yarn mouth. "That you were planning to warn everyone about us?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh…" Roy buzzes, face paling.

"That wasn't nice, Roy." Mimi sighs before Hughes approaches from behind, carrying Frou-Frou the stuffed dog in his arms. "We're going to have to punish you now."

"Who's the dummy now?" Frou-Frou barks before using Maes to stab Roy in a proper slasher film style.

 **A/N: Sorry it took me a while for this one, but I had a lot of very important things come up last week, including my younger sister, who I shall call "Doncella Justicia," returning from an 18 month LDS mission. I hope you all enjoyed this. Leave a review letting me know what you think, and strap yourself in for some more "Again."**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer!**

 **The following 4Koma contains another weird shipping pair. Reading discretion from Shimmering-Sky and her muses is strongly advised!**

 **Pride: Ba…**

 **One of Pride's Shadow Tentacle Mouths: Ba…**

 **Wrath and Misses Bradley: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**

* * *

Panel 1:

"If you're worried about being a burden, you shouldn't be," Gracia says, smiling warmly at Roy. "You and Maes are practically brothers, Roy, which makes you family. And if you think Maes talks too much about Elicia and I all the time, imagine how much he tells _me_ about _you_. I could probably write your biography if I wanted to!"

Hughes winks at his wife. "I'm sure you'd do a _fantastic_ job with that."

"Actually, now I think about it, I've already posted a fanfic version of you and Roy's life to my reading group!" Gracia exclaims with glee, before whipping out a stack of papers from her purse and shoving them towards her husband. "Wanna read and review them!? I'd REALLY appreciate your feedback, just so long as none of it is negative."

"Wait…who's this guy named Marty Stu? I never met anyone like him!" Hughes replies, quickly skimming through the papers, "And why does this guy have superpowers!?"

"Well, I decided to take some artistic liberties while writing your story." Gracia explains. "Marty Stu happens to be one of my OCs, along with Mary Sue and her sister, Peggy Sue, two incredible kind-hearted amazon warriors from a different dimension, who also might be half demon, but I'm not sure yet, I'll have to see what my beta readers think."

"Uhhh…how much of this have you got written?" Roy asks, looking uncomfortably at Gracia's description of himself.

"Well, I'm only on the first chapter." Gracia sighs, "But the good news is that I have the next fifty chapters planned out and I am already working on a sequel!"

"Gracia…you know I love you…" Hughes hesitantly replies, "but…I seriously think this hobby is wasting your life.

* * *

Panel 2:

Bradley chuckles—such an unsettling _normal human sound_. "No need to be so humble, Mustang. Your heroic deeds have been the talk around Central Command for the past few days, and so my wife and I would like to personally thank you with a dinner at our mansion." He pauses for a moment, eye darting over to the Hughes family. "I hope I'm not interrupting any plans you might have already made."

 _Dinner? He's inviting me to_ dinner _? What the hell's he playing at?_

"Because once I've trapped you in my house, Pride was hoping we could sadistically make arrangements to use your friends as hostages and subtly threaten you with their lives should you move out of line." Wrath finishes, beaming. "What'ya say, Roy? It'll be one heck of an awkward night!"

"I…think I'm gonna pass on that one." Roy replies, running away as fast as he can with Hughes and his family.

"Curses!" Wrath fumes, "Our brilliant plans have been foiled again! Now I'm going to have to try inviting Roy to Misses Bradley's birthday party before I get another chance to interrogate him!"

"Or…you know…you could just…call him to your office and…interrogate him there?" One of the soldiers to Wrath's left suggests.

"Oh come on! That's stupid!" Wrath scoffs, "It's way too direct and efficient! No, I need something more stupidly impractical and elaborate."

* * *

Panel 3:

Elicia's eyes widen at this. "A pony? Really!? You have a pet pony!?"

"Yeah!" Selim replies, face brightening with all the innocence of the average six-year-old, "I've got lots out back! We've even got some really short ones, just your size, so when dinner's done, I could show you how to ride one!"

 _Well aren't you the smooth one, Pride._ Roy's thoughts grimace as he strains with all his might to not grind his teeth with indignation.

"But of course…" Elicia continues, blinking her long eyelashes dreamily at Selim, "…I wouldn't expect any less of a true…gentleman…like you." She finishes, teasingly tapping Selim on the nose.

 _Wait…what's happening?_ Roy thinks, before noticing Maes's eyes grow wide as dinner plates.

"Uh…wanna ride my Pony?" Selim nervously asks.

"Oh, you can take me out 'riding' any time you want." Elicia seductively whispers, as the two of them lean in close.

As Maes keels over from a heart attack, Roy suddenly sees the entire room become engulfed in whiteness before beholding the following.

…

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…

"Oh, Selim!" Teenage Elicia purrs, as teenage Selim spins her around the dance floor with one of his shadow tentacles, "I had no idea you were such an amazing dancer!"

"Almost as good a dancer as you are…a lover." Selim replies, using his shadow tentacles to deposit Elicia into his arms.

"Oh Selim!" Elicia breaths before the two of them lean in, lips pressing.

…

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… …

…

"Do you, Pride, take this pathetic human to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Father asks his son, presiding over the wedding while Gracia administers CPR to a recently passed-out-from-shock Maes.

"I do." young adult Pride warmly replies, pulling young adult Elicia just a little closer with his shadow tentacles.

"And do you, filthy human, take the embodiment of my arrogance to be your lawfully wedded husband, till death parts you but not Pride from this mortal plane?"

"I do." Elicia replies, gazing into Pride's eyes.

"Then I pronounce the two of you Homunculus and Wife." Father proclaims.

Wedding bells clamor with joy as Elicia pulls Pride into her lips, kissing him deeply before kissing each of his fifty-seven or so other shadow mouths, tonguing the last shadow tentacle mouth rather vigorously.

…

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… …

…

"Say hello to your new grandkids!" Elicia proudly proclaims to her father as she and Pride present their newly birthed twins, a boy with Elicia's brown hair and a girl with Pride's Dark black hair. Nervously, Hughes approaches the babies before both infants lash out at Hughes with their vicious shadow tentacles, lifting the old man off the ground before whipping him around the house.

"We named this one, 'Dishonesty,'" Elicia explains to Grandma Gracia, pointing to the girl as the twins continue to savage a screaming Hughes, "and we named him, 'Impatience.'"

"Oh they're so cute!" Grandma Gracia croons, "But…I thought Homunculi couldn't have babies."

Elicia and Pride look a little uncomfortable.

"We need to have a talk, Gracia." Father patiently explains.

* * *

Panel 4:

"You know, Colonel," Bradley begins, his hand tapping the handle of the carving knife next to his plate. "You're being praised as a hero once again for your actions. A soldier putting everything on the line for his own friend makes for quite the encouraging tale. But do you know what I think about your actions?"

"No, sir," Roy replies, trying his damned hardest not to sound angry.

"I think your actions were super duper crazy ultra mega amazing awesome!" The Fuhrer exclaims. "I mean, the way you snapped your gloves together and fried Envy to a crisp!? Man!? That's hardcore Roy, hardcore. I respect hardcore. That's why I want to make _you_ the next Fuhrer of Amestris!"

Roy's eyes widen with joy.

"The Fuhrer!? Really!? I…I don't know what to say, Fuhrer King Bradley." Roy stammers.

"Just say, 'yes.'" Fuhrer Bradley beams, offering Roy his hand.

"Yes! Of course I'll be Fuhrer!" Roy gushes, "It's everything I ever dreamed…of…wait…"

Suddenly, the room goes white.

…

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… … …

… …

…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Roy screams as he wakes up in the next dream sequence, this one featuring Truth straight-up torturing Roy as he roasts his body on a spit.

* * *

 **Ending A/N: Ha! See that Sky!? THAT'S what's called a fast update free of writer's block! (Everyone please just don't mention the update speed of my other stories!)**


End file.
